10 Things I Want You to Know about Me as a Loss Mom

In honor of July being Bereaved Parents Month, I wanted to share 10 things I want you to know about me as a loss mom. My heart in sharing is two-fold. One, because by sharing, I hope that other loss moms and dads can identify with me and not feel alone in their own grief journeys. And two, to bring awareness of what loss moms and dads may be feeling so those who have not experienced the loss of a child can empathize more deeply with them.

I know not all loss moms and dads think these exact same things, but I know that a lot of the moms I’ve talked to can relate to at least a few of them. So here we go! My top 10 list of things I want you to know about me as a loss mom:

1. I miss my daughter every single day. I know she is with Jesus in the most glorious, perfect place, but I sometimes selfishly wish she were here with me.
2. I love talking about my baby and even her diagnosis (acrania and anencephaly). Don’t be afraid to ask me about her. It would be the highlight of my day to share about my pregnancy with Hannah or her life!
3. Grief comes in waves. One moment I can be totally fine and the next totally not.
4. Grief has left a Hannah-sized hole in my heart. No other child can ever fill that space.
5. I grieve not just her birthday or the anniversary of her passing but also the entire month leading up to those days. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Mother’s Day, and pretty much every other special occasion, too, can be particularly difficult days. My joy sometimes can hide my sadness, but don’t be offended if I need some quiet space to process my feelings.
6. In the coming years I will grieve all of the milestones she didn’t have the opportunity to hit-the day she would have started kindergarten, turned 10, started middle school, started high school, turned 16, turned 18…you get the idea. When you lose a baby, you don’t just lose them as an infant. You lose them at every age and stage after that.
7. The ministry of presence, particularly immediately after her diagnosis and subsequent loss, was more helpful to me than when others said cliches just to fill a silent space.
8. When I see another little girl who is around the age Hannah would be if she were alive, I start daydreaming what it would be like to have her here with me. I sometimes daydream like this when I see little girl clothes as I think about Hannah wearing them. So if you see me tear up in a store, that’s why.
9. There are grief triggers everywhere. Sometimes they are expected; other times they are completely unexpected. For instance, baby showers are still hard for me, even though I’ve had another daughter since losing Hannah.
10. I will never get over losing my daughter, nor do I want to. My grief changes with time, but it will never fully go away. I never want to stop missing her.

If you’re a grieving mom or dad, first, I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a child is the hardest thing I have ever walked through, and I’m sorry that you’ve had to endure it as well. Do you identify with some of the things on this list? Is there anything else you would add? Please comment below and share. I would love to hear.

If you haven’t lost a child, I hope that this list helps bring awareness to some things that bereaved parents think, feel, and need. We are all different so this list may not apply to every single parent, but we do share similarities.

Losing a child can be a very isolating experience. I hope by sharing my heart you feel more able to care for and love a loss mom or dad in your own life. Just because we don’t share something out loud, doesn’t mean that we’re not thinking it, feeling it, or needing it. We need your love and support, even if it’s been years since we lost our child. Thank you for caring for us and loving us well.

Pressing on in faith, Jennifer